A Battle with Cancer
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April 24, 2024
Today, it dawned on me that I am trying to escape the reality that I have Cancer. I have been putting off going to see my doctor, maybe because I am still holding on to the idea that this Cancer thing is just a nightmare. Any time soon I might wake up and learn that this was all a dream.
If I go see the doctor, I will be alone in this fight. The so - called best friend " Chris " is more like a chat GPT than a real life person. I wanted to confide in him that I am scared, but yet every time I do so, he cries and I feel like I have to be the strong one and I cannot cry. I cannot break down since people are counting on me to survive.
Sometimes I think, what if I will not have myself treated and instead take charge of my own life. I do not think God is so cruel that he will not give me an opportunity to be the one to end it. To live and die as how I see fit.
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July 30, 2024
I have came to a point that the first real tears strolled down my cheeks as it finally dawned on me that I have Stage III Breast Cancer. The doctor looked at me and told me what are my options considering I have the dreaded Her 2 Disease. Not only have I to undergo Chemotherapy, but I have to do the whole She-bang. After 6 cycles of Chemotherapy that will cost like 44,000 per session, I have to do Surgery and Radiation and a year's worth of Hormonal Therapy. All I can think of when she was explaining these things is how I look like with bald head. I asked if I can defer the treatment until October due to a scheduled trip I was supposedly planned with Friends, and I guess a client visit I needed to accomplish. I guess, I am planning how it is now. I have finally come to terms that there is no denying the cancer inside me, and no matter how much I try to wake up from this nightmare, I continue to live this dream. Tomorrow, when I open my eyes, I still will have Cancer and it is not going away... not unless I fight it. Yet, can I fight this battle alone?
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August 28, 2024
It has finally started.. the Hair fall.
Last July, when the doctor told me I have Stage III Breast Cancer, no tear was shed. I had expected it, and thus knew it was coming. However, when she told me I will lose my hair due to chemotherapy, the tears suddenly fell. Those words hit like a tsunami, and for some reason I cannot stop the tears from streaming down my face.
So I said, okay.. rather than moan and cry about what is to happen, I needed to focus on the "now".
I had my first chemotherapy last August 13, and felt fine... my inner obnoxious self thought I can beat this, and I am special from all of the other horror stories of cancer patient bawling and unable to move due to fatigue.
However today, August 28, 2024, I woke up with tons of my hair found on my pillow.
It finally happen. I will lose my hair.
II know it's very vain of me that I am just crying now over falling hair, but I guess I am crying because it weighed down on me that I am just like any other cancer patient. I will get bald, and I will battle this disease that will never go away.
But still I am holding on that I can do it...
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September 4, 2024
My first breakdown was today when I simply broke down and cried.
It's very painful and hard, and I am tired of pretending to strong.
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September 11, 2024
🕊️ My Journey, One Year Later 🕊️
In June 2023, my life changed forever. While my father was fighting his own battles having suffered a stroke, I discovered I had cancer. I was forced to compartmentalize my pain and face the biggest test of my life—conquering the 2023 Hernando Bar exam. I achieved my dream of becoming a lawyer, only to face an even greater test from God: the start of my cancer treatment.
Now, a year later, as I navigate my chemo journey, I have lost my hair, my once-clear skin bears the marks of the battle, and every day feels like a fight. People tell me to stay strong, to keep going, but here's the truth: I am only human. And to those going through similar battles, I want you to know that it is perfectly okay not to be strong all the time. It’s okay to feel weak. It is in our weakness that we experience our humanity.
On the days when I feel like I can’t go on, I simply remind myself that it is a gift to simply breathe, especially when life feels like it's on borrowed time. I keep telling myself that we only die once, but every single moment we live— let us truly live.
I've learned to appreciate the little things, the simple joys of life, and the magic of being alive even when it’s tough.
I’m not here to inspire but to share this today on September 11, when people lost so many on this day, I am truly grateful that I am still here. If I look back a year from now 🔥and I’m still breathing, at least I can say, I damn made it. 💪✨