Dum Spiro Spero
- While I breathe I hope -
Who would have thought that it will take one giant heart break for me to take that one step to making a dream a reality. Now don't get me wrong, this is by far the hardest thing I have done since God knows when. But, for the first time in a very long time, I am actually doing something that is my own choice and that's something no one can take away.
My life is one hell of a roller coaster that revolves around me being the instrument for those lovers of mine to fulfil their own dreams, yet no one really ask me what I wanted to do with my life. I always gave my 100% in everything that what I do benefit others more than it benefited me. For me, that was okay, being needed and being able to make others happy. Not one of them looked back and ask me if I was ever happy during those times. The hollowness I felt led to me to depression and feeling so lost.
Travelling helped me make life more bearable and I am able to breeze through it by making meaning over being someone's better half. I have come to realise that going back to school at 31 and literally starting over, made be figure out what I am meant to do in this world.
Law school is one tough cookie to crack, and everyday it's a never ending of highs and lows with mostly lows as you come to question your worth and capability. However, I wouldn't trade this feeling and journey for anything in the world.
This path was the road I am meant to take.
This was my dream that I have put off for my aunt's dream, for my lover's future, and for so many reasons I can barely remember now. I guess this is how it feels like to have that kind of selfish which leads you to your own happiness, and say I am on the right track to becoming a better person.
So to all the mofos who decided to break my tangible heart, thank you...
It led me to hope..
to dream..
to pick myself up...
And to figure out that while I breathe... I can't quit. I am stronger and well prepared to take on this massive challenge of one day becoming the best God damn Lawyer there is.