A Battle with Cancer 

.... 

April 24, 2024

    Today, it dawned on me that I am trying to escape the reality that I have Cancer. I have been putting off going to see my doctor, maybe because I am still holding on to the idea that this Cancer thing is just a nightmare. Any time soon I might wake up and learn that this was all a dream. 

    If I go see the doctor, I will be alone in this fight. The so - called best friend " Chris " is more like a chat GPT than a real life person. I wanted to confide in him that I am scared, but yet every time I do so, he cries and I feel like I have to be the strong one and I cannot cry. I cannot break down since people are counting on me to survive.

    Sometimes I think, what if I will not have myself treated and instead take charge of my own life. I do not think God is so cruel that he will not give me an opportunity to be the one to end it. To live and die as how I see fit. 

....

July 30, 2024

    I have came to a point that the first real tears strolled down my cheeks as it finally dawned on me that I have Stage III Breast Cancer. The doctor looked at me and told me what are my options considering I have the dreaded Her 2 Disease. Not only have I to undergo Chemotherapy, but I have to do the whole She-bang. After 6 cycles of Chemotherapy that will cost like 44,000 per session, I have to do Surgery and Radiation and a year's worth of Hormonal Therapy. All I can think of when she was explaining these things is how I look like with bald head. I asked if I can defer the treatment until October due to a scheduled trip I was supposedly planned with Friends, and I guess a client visit I needed to accomplish. I guess, I am planning how it is now. I have finally come to terms that there is no denying the cancer inside me, and no matter how much I try to wake up from this nightmare, I continue to live this dream. Tomorrow, when I open my eyes, I still will have Cancer and it is not going away... not unless I fight it. Yet, can I fight this battle alone? 

.....

August 28, 2024

    It has finally started.. the Hair fall. 

    Last July, when the doctor told me I have Stage III Breast Cancer, no tear was shed. I had expected it, and thus knew it was coming. However, when she told me I will lose my hair due to chemotherapy, the tears suddenly fell. Those words hit like a tsunami, and for some reason I cannot stop the tears from streaming down my face. 

    So I said, okay.. rather than moan and cry about what is to happen, I needed to focus on the "now". 

I had my first chemotherapy last August 13, and felt fine... my inner obnoxious self thought I can beat this, and I am special from all of the other horror stories of cancer patient bawling and unable to move due to fatigue. 

    However today, August 28, 2024, I woke up with tons of my hair found on my pillow. 

It finally happen. I will lose my hair. 

   II know it's very vain of me that I am just crying now over falling hair, but I guess I am crying because it weighed down on me that I am just like any other cancer patient. I will get bald, and I will battle this disease that will never go away. 

    But still I am holding on that I can do it... 

......

September 4, 2024

    My first breakdown was today when I simply broke down and cried.

    It's very painful and hard, and I am tired of pretending to strong. 

.......

September 11, 2024

🕊️ My Journey, One Year Later 🕊️

In June 2023, my life changed forever. While my father was fighting his own battles having suffered a stroke, I discovered I had cancer. I was forced to compartmentalize my pain and face the biggest test of my life—conquering the 2023 Hernando Bar exam. I achieved my dream of becoming a lawyer, only to face an even greater test from God: the start of my cancer treatment.

Now, a year later, as I navigate my chemo journey, I have lost my hair, my once-clear skin bears the marks of the battle, and every day feels like a fight. People tell me to stay strong, to keep going, but here's the truth: I am only human. And to those going through similar battles, I want you to know that it is perfectly okay not to be strong all the time. It’s okay to feel weak. It is in our weakness that we experience our humanity. 

On the days when I feel like I can’t go on, I simply remind myself that it is a gift to simply breathe, especially when life feels like it's on borrowed time. I keep telling myself that we only die once, but every single moment we live— let us truly live.

I've learned to appreciate the little things, the simple joys of life, and the magic of being alive even when it’s tough.

I’m not here to inspire but to share this today on September 11, when people lost so many on this day, I am truly grateful that I am still here. If I look back a year from now 🔥and I’m still breathing, at least I can say, I damn made it. 💪✨

--------

October 24, 2024

A Facebook memory just pop-up and it says 12 years ago I went to the Vatican, and it made me realize that at 26 I have achieved the unthinkable and actually went in an amazing adventure across Europe. 

I came from a very humble background, and people my age at that time were struggling to make ends meet and even do not have the luxury to fulfill their dreams. Yet, even though I came from such a humble background, I had amazing parents who supported my happiness. They always say Parents tell you what is best for your and always pressure you to excel, but now that we have grown up...looking back the kind of parents we had and tough love they impose.. made us actually achieve the dreams even at an early age. I guess having Cancer was a curse and a blessing given to me so I can walk in the shoes of what My mom went through. She had cancer at 35 and died at 65... and if only she could have gotten the treatment she would still be with us, but then if she had then her family would suffer the financial burden of it all as she was the breadwinner, and I , her youngest wouldn't even get the chance to live an amazing life. This is the biggest realization that dawned on me, that I literally owe the life I have lived and am living because of my mom. She withstood it all and gave the biggest sacrifice so that we can live an amazing life. 

Now, even in my own journey where I am constantly exhausted. I am channeling the strength of my rock.. Madam Racks.. who fought and stood tirelessly to be a true mother. Selfless and Serving. 

I am humbled and grateful for this gift bestowed upon me and I would say, there is more to life and I am meant to conquer Cancer for me and for her. Since this life is not mine alone but also a gift from my mother... my Nanay. 

Fulfilling a Dream

Dum Spiro Spero

- While I breathe I hope -

Who would have thought that it will take one giant heart break for me to take that one step to making a dream a reality. Now don't get me wrong, this is by far the hardest thing I have done since God knows when. But, for the first time in a very long time, I am actually doing something that is my own choice and that's something no one can take away. 

My life is one hell of a roller coaster that revolves around me being the instrument for those lovers of mine to fulfil their own dreams, yet no one really ask me what I wanted to do with my life. I always gave my 100% in everything that what I do benefit others more than it benefited me. For me, that was okay, being needed and being able to make others happy. Not one of them looked back and ask me if I was ever happy during those times. The hollowness I felt led to me to depression and feeling so lost.   

Travelling helped me make life more  bearable and I am able to breeze through it by making meaning over being someone's better half. I have come to realise that going back to school at 31 and literally starting over, made be figure out what I am meant to do in this world. 

Law school is one tough cookie to crack, and everyday it's a never ending of highs and lows with mostly lows as you come to question your worth and capability. However, I wouldn't trade this feeling and journey for anything in the world. 

This path was the road I am meant to take. 

This was my dream that I have put off for my aunt's dream, for my lover's future, and for so many reasons I can barely remember now. I guess this is how it feels like to have that kind of selfish which leads you to your own happiness, and say I am on the right track to becoming a better person. 

So to all the mofos who decided to break my tangible heart, thank you... 

It led me to hope.. 

to dream.. 

to pick myself up...

And to figure out that while I breathe... I can't quit. I am stronger and well prepared to take on this massive challenge of one day becoming the best God damn Lawyer there is. 

Japan Chronicles - Tokyo Adventures

So I wrote the first part of my adventure to tell you why I got the courage to pack up a bag and head over to Japan. Like many folks who dream of going to the land of the Rising Sun, I happen to be one of those cherry blossom suckers and anime lovers who wanted to experience the whole OISHI! Ohayo! And ARIGATO! Lifestyle 

Going on a solo trip to Tokyo and broke, like literally sky flakes* eating broke was quite a challenge, but through sheer luck and ingenuity I survived and had an awesome adventure. ( *Skyflakes - Filipino crackers that saves you from hunger )

I created a list of the top things which is a must when you go to Tokyo which is worth each cent of your hard earned cash.But before anything, you have to remember that most shops in Japan do not speak English, you gotta learn some courtesy words and put up a huge smile to get around the city. Also one more thing, bring CASH! Most of the shops will not accept credit card payments, so those cheap thingie boppers you want to buy, you gotta pay the old school way.

Now that we have settled the two top things you have to remember, let’s get started 

on my Tokyo adventures J

#1 – Tokyo Disney Sea

              Common who isn’t a kid at heart? Even when I am 80 years old I would still go to Disneyland. If you are aren’t like me who has been to Disneyland like 10 times, you still can’t miss visiting Disney Sea. I went to park at a rainy season but it was still super cool. It is the only Disneyland that actually has a parade on water! So yeah, maybe most of the time you can’t understand the language 'coz all shows are in Japanese, but Captain Jack Sparrow and Barbosa battling it out through a smash buckling show is something you can throw your dictionary out of the window for.

Ever been a fan of the little mermaid? Then brace yourself from shitting your pants, you will see Ariel actually floating and swimming on top of you! One show you can’t miss while you are here is the Little Mermaid and trust me this was the highlight of my day!

Little Mermaid Stage

 There are a lot of shows and rides in Disney Sea that makes one day not enough to experience it all. Be prepared for long lines that leads up to the moon, so if I were you I suggest to grab a hold of a fast pass so that you would not have to spend so much time waiting. Either way, just walking around the park is super fun 'coz you will never know who you get to have a papparazzi shot with 🦆

#2 Meiji & Senso-ji Temple

One thing that really help my broken wing was visiting the famous temples of Tokyo. If you would like to have a peaceful retreat where you can have your thoughts to yourself, I think going to Meiji Temple would be good for your mind and soul. One thing that was memorable for me was writing your deepest wish on the wooden tablet and hanging it up on the great tree. It was that moment that the heaviness I felt was lifted away. 

Another temple which was at the heart of Asakusa district was the Senso-ji temple. This is more of tourist site than a temple of prayer since they were a lot of street vendors selling memorabilia along the way. However, this is the best place to buy souvenirs and get to hop on a Japanese rickshaw. It was one of those places that was a bit crowded but your totally fine with it since you get to see people wearing Yakuta robes and dressing up like traditional Japanese men and women. 

#3 OWL Cafe --- Totally worth it!

Japan cafes are one of kind, and when I say one of a kind it truly is one-of-a-KIND! Where in the world would you be able to pet real life owls, geckos, and all sorts of exotic pets. So when I heard about a jungle cafe in Asakusa; I made sure to mark it on my to do things in Japan. 

Jungle Cafe Owl no Mori is very accessible and for 900 yen you can have a free drink and no time limit bonding with owls and other pets. 

My last adventure was in Hakone... but that deserves one page of my Japanase chronicle adventure series.

 So this is just a few things you can do while you're in Tokyo. I hope when you do visit you would have the most wonderful time like I did....

even if all you can say is...

"Arigato"

which translates to

"Thank you"